Escape to Alaska

Last week in Fairbanks, Alaska, the temperature dropped to 53 below. It was more than 100 degrees warmer in Boulder, where I was mashing pedals through four inches of thick slush on top of mud. My speed stayed firmly lodged in the 2.5 mph range, while I fretted about the state of the world, geopolitical nonsense, and strong desire to not face a certain crushing expedition, now just a month away. I'm not ready for the Iditarod, again ... but of course I've never been ready, and I never will be. But I was desperate for a modicum of confidence. If I could just test my current and mostly non-negotiable state of fitness in real Alaska conditions — a place where the air is rich and cold, where the boreal forest stretches out for hundreds of miles, and I could possibly even tune out the news ... at least for a few days. 

That's how I ended up hovering over the Alaska Airlines Web site, debating mileage ticket possibilities, convincing Beat it was a good idea, and finally flying solo to Fairbanks on Tuesday night. By the time I landed, temperatures had risen to -12. They would be +12 before morning, and continue rising to +30 by Thursday. So much for true Alaska training conditions. But it felt right, all the same.

On Wednesday it was nice and bright by 11 a.m., which seemed quite early  — usually we visit Fairbanks over Christmas break; in comparison, late January seems like practically summer. Of course it does, when temperatures are in the teens when you've emotionally banked on 50 below. I put together my sled for the first time since 2015, and hauled it on a five-hour drag through a few inches of fluff over lightly traveled trails.

Why was I dragging a sled? Because I'm still considering it as a way to avoid that terrifying expedition by committing to a harder — but more predictable — effort on a shorter route. And, truthfully, I missed the quiet rhythm of hauling a heavy load through the snowy woods. The sled pulls me into deep but dispassionate concentration, breathing in and out, thinking only of forward motion and the tidy patterns of a monochrome world.

Five hours was enough to remind me that I haven't pulled a sled more than a few miles here and there since 2014. My hips became sore, my hamstrings screamed and my calves burned. Still, I can't help but appreciate the strain of sled-dragging. It's the only activity I've found where my (meager) aerobic capacity exceeds my (surprisingly inadequate) leg strength. Breathing was easy. Walking was hard.

On Thursday I returned to the familiar, borrowing my friend Corrine's bike for a six-hour spin that of course included hike-a-bike and multiple near-crashes while negotiating soft, rutted trail in flat light. It was interesting to find highly variable trail conditions in a short distance — from the perfect smooth singletrack of O'Conner Creek, to wind drifts on the ridge, to the aforementioned soft ruts and overflow on Eldorado Creek.

 I was breathing really well today, which may have been a result of difficult trail conditions that never allowed me to really "open up." Still, it was refreshing not to experience any constriction, wheezing, dizziness, or even brief bouts of shallow breathing. Lower altitudes probably played a large role in this. It's encouraging, though. I came to Alaska to search for confidence. I may not find it, or even need it, but I keep looking, all the same.

The gray, warm day cleared up and cooled down. I fish-tailed, mashed and crashed my way down Eldorado Creek, taking a multitude of breaks just to gaze toward the orange-frosted trees and think, "How did I get here? I'm so lucky to be here."

Even luckier is our plan for the weekend — a three-day cabin trip into the White Mountains, where there's no Internet and no way to hear whether the world ended while we were away. Yes, I may not gain confidence, but I've already found peace. 

Running on 3 cylinders

My first car was a 1989 Toyota Tercel, which I bought the summer after I graduated from high school. I called the car "Terry." It was my loyal partner in adventure — trips to the Southern Utah desert, snowboarding at Brighton, New Year's Eve 1998 in Portland. For my 21st birthday, my friends and I drove to Wendover, Nevada — a hedonistic outpost on the edge of the Bonneville Salt Flats. The following day, while driving east on a long, flat straightaway of Interstate 80, I decided to test Terry's limits. Hot August sunlight shimmered across the white desert as I floored the gas pedal — 100 mph, 110 mph. All four of us in the car were screaming as I buried the needle beyond 115 mph for several seconds, until fear got the better of me.

I'll never know if that Salt Flats speed record was the catalyst, but after that, my underpowered, 12-year-old car with 190,000 miles went downhill fast. First the car started sputtering up hills, and then the gas mileage plummeted. Terry would vibrate horribly while idling, and then wouldn't start on its own. I had to park the car on hills and pop the clutch. While driving, I had to give the car gas at all times; otherwise the engine would die and wouldn't start again. It was quite a contortionist act to keep all three pedals pressed at stop lights. I quickly got used to Terry's quirks, but my sister borrowed the car once and is still traumatized by the experience. Finally I took Terry to see a mechanic, who told me one of the engine's cylinders had burned out. For a car that didn't have a lot of oomph to begin with, it was only going to continue to lose power. I'd eventually end up stranded, the mechanic said, unless I invested in a complete engine overhaul.

Sometimes I think about that Tercel when I am sputtering up a hill. I wonder whether, in the spirit of this seriously contorted analogy, I too have a burned-out cylinder. Maybe I buried my own needle one too many times. It was the death of Terry; I sold it to the Pick n' Pull for $150. Cars can be replaced. Humans have to work with their imperfect engines. Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful I'm still moving. But I need to reconcile the sputtering somehow, in case an engine overhaul never happens.

Since returning from Idaho, I've been mulling what to do about Alaska this year. The Iditarod is a hard thing to quit. I considered leaving my bike at home and starting with a sled and the intention to walk the 350. Perhaps I should delay attempting the Southern Route to Nome until I'm stronger and more ready, should that year ever arrive. If I was on foot, it would be easier to manage my pace and breathing. A 45-pound sled is often less strenuous to manage than an 80-pound bike. Hiking over the Alaska Range offers plenty of adventure without fretting about becoming dizzy and keeling over when I'm truly in the middle of nowhere, like the Shageluk Hills or the wind-blasted Yukon River. True, I've done no sled training and haven't run enough miles this winter to guess whether my body could handle that distance right now. By this point I had hoped to have at least one test sled run, but I haven't even found all of the pieces of my sled to put it together.

Over the weekend, we joined our friends Jorge and Wendy on a climb up to 12,000 feet on Niwot Ridge. Although I was the only one not dragging a sled, I still sputtered up the mountain in my snowshoes, and grumbled at Beat when he teased me for not keeping up. The sky was a dynamic mix of sun and cloud, and the snow was deep in the trees and scoured on the ridge. The weather was warm and almost eerily calm. It was a beautiful day that I probably would have enjoyed more if I wasn't trying to imagine it as "training." I mused about becoming a hobby hiker and never worrying how long these types of outings even take (for the record, 12 miles in just under seven hours.)

It's a strange experience, being so out of shape from a power standpoint, while subsequently feeling like I've never been stronger in terms of endurance. I wasn't sore after 19 hours on the Fat Pursuit course, wasn't tired after a night of sleep, and felt like I was just warming up when the seven-hour snowshoe hike ended. Sitting at home, I'm full of energy and feel like I could burst out the door at a full sprint. Of course the minute I set out, I start sputtering, and the negative feedback loop renews. But if I can avoid the sputtering, I genuinely believe I could just keep moving and not become weary.

So I'm torn about what to do about Alaska, as you can see, and wondering whatever happened to Terry the Tercel. That's the beautiful thing about the Pick n' Pull — parts can live on long after the car is gone. 

The definition of insanity

I honestly don't know why I keep coming back here. There's invisible Velcro under my tires, just like there was in 2015, and I don't understand why my legs are burning. I'm just pedaling — as slowly as possible, really — while wispy clouds strain to capture fading light. The sun set and we're just getting started. I'm already lost in memories. I want to find new experiences, but I keep coming back here. It's inevitable that I'll relive the past. Island Park, Idaho — this is the place where I crumbled in this same 200-mile bike race last year. Two years ago, the Warm River gorge is where I stopped during the Tour Divide, crawled into a clammy sleeping bag, and alternately sobbed and coughed because I'd never felt so weak or hopeless. And yet I here I am. I keep coming back.

The pack fades into the distance and I continue spinning slowly, trying to ignore the tightness I already feel in my chest. This is how it is. This is who I am. I'm going to work with it, use it to find the same joy and awe I've always found on life's outer limit. Night is descending and the temperature follows. It was 2 degrees at the start; five miles later, it's already down to 5 below. I stop to put a fleece jacket on. My water valve is already frozen. Golden-tinted plumes of steam rise from Henry's Fork, billowing around a flock of geese. "Why don't they leave for the winter? I suppose water is warmer than air."

The course winds through Herriman State Park. I burn a few matches propelling myself up steep singletrack. My lungs burn as a mash the pedals. Hard surges are something I promised myself I wouldn't do, but I'm feeling good, and I am at the back of the race, so I can't dawdle too much.

Miles roll by, the Velcro snow becomes stickier, and the night more menacing. After two hours under my armpit, the water valve final opens. I greedily suck water and roll deep-frozen cinnamon bears on my tongue. It's minus 16, then minus 19. Around mile 25 I catch up to Beat, who is miserable in his vapor barrier shirt. He can't tell whether he's wet or cold, and can't strip in these temperatures. "It's minus 24 now," I announce. My feet and hands are toasty, but I can hear a quiet gurgle in my breaths. I know that's the thing that's really not good.

We reach the spur to Mesa Falls, dropping steeply into a gorge for no good reason, but it's part of the race. We walk gingerly along an icy overlook and glance across the canyon. Last year the night was overcast and I couldn't see anything at all, but this year the moon is out. Sheer cliffs are bathed in sliver light. "It's really beautiful," I say to Beat, and we stand a few seconds longer until shivering sets in. This isn't weather for standing still.

The long climb begins, and I'm hunched beside my bike, barely putting one foot in front of the other up impossibly steep slopes. I start coughing and spit up a gob of thick gunk. This is the point I know has no return. I can't recover from this. Perhaps it was inevitable, but there's always hope that I'll beat it. "This is just like the Tour Divide," I think. "Only different."

The night flickers and fades, muted by reduced awareness that I think of as "oxygen deprivation." I try to remind myself to eat, trail mix and cinnamon bears that I have to hold in my mouth for at least five minutes before they're malleable enough the chew. Beat sticks with me even though I'm moving slowly, perhaps too slowly to stay warm, but my head is fuzzy and it's the best I can do. We think the temperature will warm as we climb, but it doesn't feel that way. Finally I check the thermometer, and it's minus 30. Then minus 34. Minus 37. Beat has told me that when it's minus 40, there's always a devil lurking in the shadows. I'm warm but I can sense the devil, stalking through the trees, waiting for that single mistake to strike.

We pedal and walk, mostly walk, because that's all I can manage on even slight inclines. Beat prefers walking. Moonlight fades, and the sky is stars upon stars. The air seems colder. A stiff breeze pushes against us; on bare skin it feels like fire. The windchill is the coldest I've ever felt, but I don't dare check the thermometer. The devil tells me the temperature will just keep dropping, and I don't want to think about that. I can't fish the water hose out of my jacket, so I give up on drinking. I keep eating, as though food could somehow give me the energy I desperately need. I'm coughing. My breathing sounds horrible inside my face mask. It's obstructing the air, so I pull it down. "Nose frostbite isn't really that bad."

There are many quiet hours when I'm certain light will appear on the horizon. It never does. I don't think about the race or the miles ahead, only the need to keep moving, keep breathing. The night is long and expansive, the forest is drenched in frost, the snow is glistening with starlight, and it really is beautiful. It is so beautiful. How could I ever describe it? I cannot. I am oxygen- and sleep-deprived, addled, and know on an intellectual level that this intense beauty exists only in my imagination. But I am happy to be here. Through it all, this is what I came for.

Dawn appears. Beat has drifted ahead. It's still minus 32. Even as orange light dusts the tips of trees, it doesn't warm up. I've already put on my big coat because I wanted to feel toasty, but hints of lucidity return and I regret that I didn't preserve more of a margin for error. I'm coughing more, and in daylight I can see yellow mucous in the snow. I know it won't get better. I know I'll keep moving more slowly, struggling and possibly becoming more sick until time cutoffs force what is now an inevitable DNF. I know I have to stop. This is no sadness or relief in this, just stoic acknowledgement. I'm not really an endurance athlete anymore. I can keep pushing it and I'll probably keep having the same results, unless something changes. But there's no reason I can't keep hoping for change.

The descent is long and I feel like I have to work hard to move forward, even here. Beat waits for me at the bottom. We've both made peace with the fact we're going to stop at mile 80, again. The night was harsh, and most of the field of 25 or so either quit at this point or turned around earlier because of cold concerns or equipment failures. A handful pressed on into temperatures that swung 60 degrees into the low 20s, followed by a stowstorm. Of those, only one man finished. The Fat Pursuit is indeed a hard race, even without Arctic temperatures. Although I may have gone into it with a defeatist attitude, I really did want to finish, to prove to myself I can still be strong, I can still breathe fire, I can still seek intense beauty. But what is it they say about the definition of insanity?

I've said this before, but I really should do some soul-searching about my plans for this year. Regardless of what I decide, I'm not going to sign up for the Fat Pursuit in 2018. Hold me to that. If I want things to change, I need to change. 

Out of shape and maybe okay with it

 Today I returned for allergy shots after a much-enjoyed two-week break while the clinic was closed. Before administering the shots, the nurses measure my peak expiratory flow rate (basically measuring how well I breathe out, a common way to monitor asthma.) Since I started the immunotherapy treatments, this number has been on a small but steady decline. The normal rate for a woman my age and height is about 430. The last time I went in for shots, my peak flow registered 290 — which is pretty much off-the-charts low. The nurse made me keep trying until I boosted it to 330, because if the number is too far below my norm, I can't get shots. I didn't tell her how light-headed I was feeling.

Today, however, I registered 410 on the first puff. This time, the nurse urged me to try a few more times to ensure it was a correct reading. Since my normal is in the low 300s, a 400 reading may lead to registering too low for shots the next time around. "If they ask, tell them you were having a good lung day," she said.

A good lung day. Why can't all the days be good lung days? Who knows whether this good lung day was a result of my allergy shot vacation, or something else entirely. (I've been having an interesting discussion with a blog reader about a chronic condition caused by c. pneumoniae.) Either way, my lung capacity is fairly low most of the time, and that may just be the way it is. It effectively means I'm out of shape, except for my muscles and joints are strong. So I can pedal or walk all day and not become tired, but ask me to pedal or run *relatively* fast, and I'll falter immediately.

In the afternoon, Beat and I set out for one last loaded bike test, including the task that is never fun — firing up the stove when it's snowing and windy and 5 degrees. Tomorrow I will drive out Idaho for the 200-mile Fat Pursuit, a snow bike race that I'm fairly certain I'm not fast enough to finish. For a winter race, its cutoffs are relatively stout. I've been on the course before, so I have a general idea of what conditions might be like, and an discouraging but more realistic understanding of my abilities. I'm not sure why I signed up for the Fat Pursuit or why I'm still clinging to this endurance racing thing ... but here I am.

The aspects of endurance racing I've always loved are the mastery of mind over matter, and the beautiful intensity one can experience when challenging the impossible. I suppose that hasn't changed. I remind myself that I can still do my best, still experience all the awe and wonder, and still have a great adventure — without fixating on the end result. I can muddle around in the snowy woods, listen to ice crystals chime in sub-zero air, take a nap under the stars, walk my bike for a while if I make it all the way to Sunday when 8-12 inches of snow is predicted — and if that's not enough to finish the race, well, I'll walk my bike to the highway and spin happily back to Island Park. I'm going to do the best I can, as slow as that may be. I'm not going to try to force it, like I did last year — with disastrous results.

So, I'm filled with dread, but excited as well. The Fat Pursuit starts Friday evening and will have live tracking here: http://trackleaders.com/fatpursuit17

At times like these, I'm reminded of scenes from the TV show "Arrested Development."

2016 in numbers

Panorama from the top of Mount Olympus in November, by Raj Nayar

At the end of the December I like to crunch my stats from Strava, and see how far the year took me. Even before the end of 2015, I knew I wouldn't come close to eclipsing last year's numbers — 5,000 miles of riding, 1,700 miles of running, 850,000 feet of climbing, and 41 days of moving time. And it's true, I didn't come close — to any number but the moving time. In 2016, I *still* spent nearly 41 days on the move despite logging a paltry 2,747 miles of riding, 1,491 miles of running, and 638,701 feet climbing.

Wow. I knew I'd become slower, but I really had no idea.

Of course, Strava can't take into account sheer effort — moving through snow, battling gale-force winds, or high altitudes. Strava made a mockery of my *hardest day on a bike ever* by estimating a power output of 5 watts and energy burn of 217 calories — because it took me nearly 15 hours to ride 33 flat miles (into a 30-40 mph headwind atop fragile snow crust of a frozen Norton Sound.) Strava doesn't know how tough it is to pedal my studded-tire fat bike up these relentless Colorado grades. Strava doesn't care. 

But also, numbers don't lie. I was surprised to see such a high moving time when I wasn't actively training for most of the months of 2016, and only had one big race, which doesn't look all that impressive on paper — a least relative to the effort it took to cover that distance (952.4 miles in 17.2 days.) 

I spent four months off my bike between March and July, thanks to carpal tunnel syndrome. I admit to being disappointed my running total wasn't higher because of this, but I was admittedly pretty lazy during the summer (it's all relative I suppose.) This year, I took the time to break the stats down by month. I know these numbers aren't interesting to anyone but me. I mainly make this post to have it on record.

January 

118.6 miles run, 34,165 feet of climbing
238.4 miles ride, 19,632 feet of climbing

 February 

41.9 miles run, 6,270 feet of climbing
660.8 miles ride, 67,416 feet of climbing

March 

21.9 miles run 1,903 feet of climbing
923.3 miles ride, 18,254 feet of climbing

April 

180.9 miles run, 36,959 feet of climbing
0 miles ride

May 

189.7 miles run, 46,198 feet of climbing
0 miles ride

 June 

174.7 miles run, 42,122 feet of climbing
0 miles ride

July 

162.5 miles run, 43,738  feet of climbing
79.9 miles ride, 13,783 feet of climbing

August 

145.9 miles run 41,749 feet of climbing
115.9 miles ride 14,937 feet of climbing

 September 

142.5 miles run 42,983 feet of climbing
112.1 miles ride 16,142 feet of climbing

October 

149 miles run, 40,433 feet of climbing
123.3 miles ride, 21,499 feet of climbing

 November 

99.5 miles run 30,095  feet of climbing
196.4 miles ride, 30,991 feet of climbing

 December 

62.3 miles run, 14,672 feet of climbing
297.4 miles ride, 35,703 feet of climbing

Totals:

Running: 393:36, 1,491 miles, 387,920 feet climbing
Cycling: 576:09, 2,747.5 miles, 250,781 feet climbing

Cumulative distance: 4,238.5 miles
Total moving time: 969 hours and 45 minutes (40.4 days)
Cumulative climbing: 638,701 feet

2016 in photos

2016 ....

Well, it's been a year, hasn't it? I'm among those who share the view that, from a political, environmental and cultural perspective, this year was a downer. I may be among those who wonders if 2017 will be The End, and whether I should stock the bomb shelter for nuclear winter (which may not be a concern for me anyway, because I might just fall through thin ice on Alaska's Tatina River and be gone by March.)

However, from a personal perspective, 2016 was a very good year — health issues notwithstanding. I realized my decade-long dream of riding a bicycle to Nome. Beat and I moved to Colorado. We gained some local mountains and learned to love them. After three months of carpal tunnel syndrome, I now have strong appreciation for pain-free existence. The adventures continued. And now it's time for my annual photo post.

In these posts I pick a favorite photo for each month. These photos have a particular theme of my favorite places in 2016.

January: New Year's Day in the Whites

Alaska's White Mountains are a harsh and mysterious place, with unique beauty that is equal parts tranquil and fierce. I love this region in a way I feel about only a few places in the world. So when the bottom bracket on Beat's bike failed just a few miles into our New Year's trip, I was terribly disappointed. It was Beat who suggested pushing the bike for 40 miles into Windy Gap, through a blizzard, gale-force wind, and open water. We were exhausted when we finally slumped into the cabin just a few minutes before midnight, and satisfied with the unexpected epic. This photo shows the following morning (or what passes for morning at 64 degrees north. It was probably after noon.) The pink light, the pipe-cleaner trees, the delicate frost ... I love this place so much.

February: Big Basin Redwoods

A couple of these photos represent "what I miss most about California." Near the top of that list — the road riding. The Bay Area has miles upon miles of narrow pavement snaking through thick forests and grassy hillsides, with light traffic, friendly grades, ocean views and blistering descents. Ahhh. Also, I miss the redwood forests. Here's something I didn't expect to miss so much. In May, I walked into my hand surgeon's office in Boulder, and saw two framed photos of redwood groves on her wall. I actually teared up. Although most of California's redwood forests are second-growth, there are a handful of ancient groves that hint of a prehistoric world.

 March: Rainy Pass

In the scheme of mountains, Rainy Pass is a rather diminutive gap in the Alaska Range. And yet, it's one of the grandest places I've had to opportunity to visit. As part of the Iditarod Trail it's relatively well-known, and yet it feels uncharted and otherworldly. If nothing else, I hope I do not fall into the Tatina River, so I can return to Rainy Pass again and again.

April: Long Ridge

Long Ridge is another favorite spot in California — an open ridge with wide-ranging views of the Santa Cruz Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, and trails that lead into one of the densest redwood forests in the Bay Area. This was our last run to visit "Old Tree," a 1,200-year-old redwood in Portola State Park.

May: Mid-May in the backyard

Our first weeks in Colorado were marked by late-spring snowstorms, rain, and fog ... all so beautiful. We moved to our house in the hills above Boulder, and I often sat in one of few chairs we had at the time and stared out the window. Before, I didn't think having scenery out the back door was important to me — when I'm outside I like to be on the move. Now I understand how much I value being surrounded by beauty, even when I'm sitting still. There are aspects of Colorado that are challenging for me — the climate and the altitude (yes, I believe I am still negatively affected by altitude. No, I can't prove it.) But I love this spot.

June: Beat on James Peak

My favorite part of this photo is Beat's smile. This was one of the first outings into our local mountains, which are easy to appreciate.

July: Vestal and Arrow

While Beat was running the Hardrock 100, I ambled through wheezy walks in the San Juan Mountains. This was my last and worst hike of the weekend — I don't remember where I was heading, but I do remember sitting down on the trail several times after I became dizzy and disoriented. Shades of this oxygen-deprived sensation dogged me for most of July and August, which is the main reason I don't look back fondly on summer. But hindsight recorded some beautiful moments, and this is one of them.

 August: Col Champillon

We made our annual pilgrimage to the Alps, and for the first time in years, I didn't have a race of my own to consume emotional energy. What remained was a strange emptiness — I know, I know, I need to move on and discover the same beautiful intensity outside endurance sports. While Beat was racing PTL, I attempted to inject some of that beautiful intensity by hiking (and scaring myself) on pieces of PTL's technical course. And because I wasn't racing, I found incredible places to sit and watch the world go by.

 September: Monte Cervino

My attempts to view the Matterhorn from the Italian side were thwarted by fog and verglas, but I did find a fantastic place to climb steep slopes amid freezing rain and feel exquisitely lonely in a tourist town/ski area.

 October: High Lonesome

Back to the mountains of Colorado, where the Continental Divide was experiencing a rare calm and warm day. My friends Corrine and Eric were visiting from Alaska, and I dragged them on an 18-mile hike around the High Lonesome loop. Like many folks in Boulder, I've become enamored with the Divide for its vistas, stark landscape and fierce weather.

 November: Devil's Thumb Pass

Beat is standing in a similar spot on the Divide, during a hike with our Australian friend Roger. It's difficult to take a photo of wind, but I think this image — with its softened features and background blurred by blowing snow — comes close to capturing what it's like to stand in those near-constant gales.

December: Five degrees in paradise

One of my local trails, Walker Ranch, was still untouched in the afternoon after a snowstorm. This was a lovely ride in which I battled to cover 18 miles in four hours, and in some aspects, I wouldn't have it any other way. I muse about missing California, mainly because it wasn't that long ago that I felt fierce and strong during my outdoor outings, rather than my current state, which is probably best described as "not strong." Of course, I'm in much better shape than I was during the summer, and I no longer have breathing attacks. But I'm beginning to accept that my athletic abilities have changed, possibly permanently. In some ways, I'm okay with that — I'm still getting out, still moving through the world, still making the most of the present in the face if an increasingly uncertain future. No, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Here's to a fierce and strong 2017. Happy New Year!

Photo posts from years past:

2006
2007
2008
2009
2010 part one, part two
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015

Actually home for Christmas

Dad, Raj and Beat at our turn-around point before "Avalanche Alley."

For the first time in six years, and only the second time in twelve years, I didn't spend the holidays in the far north. Beat didn't have the time off work for a trip to Alaska this year, and it's becoming harder to justify the time and expense for "gear testing." I was more disappointed than I expected, but it did open up an opportunity to travel back to my actual hometown — Salt Lake City — to spend Christmas with my family. 

 Of course, no trip home is complete without a few hardy hikes with my dad. On Friday we trudged four miles up to what is possibly the prettiest place in the Wasatch Mountains — Broads Fork basin.

 Temps were on the warm side — mid-30s — and the wind was fierce. We climbed more than 3,000 feet before turning around.

 Much fun was had while we ran in slow motion down the steep slope. To me this feels like pedaling a bicycle, pumping my snowshoes into knee-deep powder. These days I feel only fleeting nostalgia for snowboarding, as aging and experience make me more leery of gravity sports. I'm really quite thrilled with the controlled, rhythmic motion of "slow-shoeing."

 On Christmas Eve, temperatures climbed into the high 40s and it rained, a lot. Beat and I drove to the closest trailhead and sat in the car for a few minutes, debating whether we were really going through with this hike.

Ultimately we were glad we got out, but it wasn't an easy stroll. At lower elevations, the trail was covered in ankle-deep slush. Snow became deeper and more saturated as we climbed. We ventured up a trail that no human feet had touched since the last storm, and watched a drama play out through tracks in the snow. Large cat tracks that were almost certainly a mountain lion padded up the trail, sometimes wandering into the brush before returning to the trail. Claws appeared and slush smears indicated a leap, followed by large disruptions that told of a struggle. It looked as though something large slid down the slope, but we couldn't see what happened after that. There was no blood in the snow, and no carcass, so we could only surmise that the hunt was unsuccessful.

Late Christmas Eve brought plummeting temperatures, and rain switched to snow. By morning there was nearly a foot of "White Christmas" on my parents' driveway. Dad, Beat and I carved a few hours out of the afternoon to venture up Bells Canyon, breaking trail through two feet of powder.

 It was a winter wonderland, complete with random Christmas trees.

 This one, near Lower Bells Canyon Falls, was almost entirely buried.

 There's a waterfall under there somewhere as well.

 A ghostly veneer on the cliffs.

Hints of sun appeared toward the end, just in time to head up to Grandma's house — over the river and through the woods (or icy streets. One of those.)

It has been interesting to spend the holiday at home after more than a decade of being mostly away. I still hold these memories of childhood traditions, and it's a little jarring when I realize what's changed. I suppose I should come home more often, but I suspect that "other home" will keep drawing us north. Still, it was a fun and beautiful weekend in Utah.